Author Archives: marcusjcarlson

Questions

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Published in Connections Magazine (January/February 2016)
Learn about Connections here

faith and family

Questions

by Marcus J. Carlson

Children ask a lot of questions. Adolescents ask a lot of questions. Questions can be scary, intimidating, humbling, joy-producing and much more. If I am honest, throughout my life, ministry career and as a parent, I have learned so much from the questions children and adolescents ask.

Our children have always been very inquisitive, but their curiosity has grown as of late. I often think of various television shows where they would highlight the funny and outlandish things children say. Many times, I feel I could make a television show from the questions my children ask. Questions are some of the best teachers that we have. In questions, not only do we nd answers, but it is the curiosity, the doubt, the wonder, the pursuit of knowledge and information that can be so life-giving.

As I was working on my doctoral dissertation, I spent much time researching generational differences. My studies led to an examination of the different characteristics of generations that exist in our world today and drawing some observations and conclusions about the differences in those generations. This research was helpful as I examined how to better serve our adolescents, particularly in the context of the church. While this work often was helpful, the observations I make in real life with my own family, friends and circle of in uence are usually as profound, meaningful and informative, if not more so.

One special instance that comes to mind is in the area of race relations and discrimination. When I think about how my great-grandparents, grandparents, parents, I and my children think about race and discrimination, I see noticeable differences. While race and discrimination are certainly hot issues, we as Christ-followers know that God values all people and discrimination is wrong. While there is still work to be done regarding these issues in the church and around the world, when I think about how my own children view these issues I can say we have in fact made progress.

Recently, after catching the end of a news story, my son Micah asked my wife Jessica what the word “discrimination” meant. She explained its meaning and gave some historical and hypothetical examples. It was a good and important question that our son asked, and his response to the answer was encouraging. He expressed confusion and disdain that someone would experience discrimination. He noted that it was wrong and unfair. Certainly a proud moment for his parents. I have great hope that his generation will continue to lead us forward in how we view and treat all people in our churches, communities and the world.

This moment for me was about so much more than race, discrimination and parental pride. It was a powerful reminder of why questions matter. Children are not afraid to ask questions. So often, we as adults are afraid to raise them and entertain them. Yet, when I think about the call of Jesus to have a childlike faith, I cannot help thinking that the curious, questioning nature of children is part of what Jesus meant.

Questions truly are a good thing. They help us to think, to realize why we believe or act the way we do. Questions point us to meaning and intent. In this way, children and adolescents are truly a gift to our churches, communities and world.

As parents, grandparents and adults who care about and are invested in the lives of our children and adolescents, we need to embrace questions. More importantly, we need to continue to think about how and why we do things when it comes to our children and adolescents. So often, our reaction to children and adolescents is not rooted in intentional thought, prayer and reflection. Whether we get caught up in the moment, react out of habit, fear, genetics or some other factor, we must be intentional. Jesus modeled intentionality for us in e very conversation, teaching moment and relationship during His life and ministry. The way in which we interact with our children and adolescents as the adults in their lives matters signi cantly. We will shape their view of the world. We shape their view of God. We shape their view of self. The Scripture tells us that Jesus became indignant when people devalued children. Parenting, and our integration wth children and adolescents, must be intentional. The stakes are high for them, for us, for our churches and for the world.

While this seems like an obvious principle, it is harder to live out than we realize. In a world that is broken—with greater access to information, danger and so much more— being intentional with our children and adolescents is not easy. Generational differences, which are more extreme than they have been in the past, can lead to confusion, division and misunderstanding. So often as a pastor, professor and seminar leader, I have found myself serving as a translator for people of differing generations—they could not speak the same language or understand each other, no matter how they tried.

It is hard to deny all of the fear, strife, division, pain and uncertainty that exists in the world today. It is numbing for even the most secure and faithful adults. For our children and adolescents, this is the world in which they have grown up in, the world in which they live. In my seminars, I often talk about the various markers or characteristics of our children’s generation. One of the words I use to describe them is anxious. This is most certainly the anxious generation. Today’s high school senior was only three or four years old when the terrorist attacks of 9/11/2001 happened. They have grown up in a world where shootings in schools, movie theaters, churches and more are all too commonplace. They have grown up in a globalized and complicated world that has become increasingly confusing, isolated and uncertain.

Questions truly can be a gift. They are an opportunity to learn. They are an opportunity to connect. They are a reminder of the intentionality with which we are called to love, reach and minister to the children and adolescents in our homes, churches, communities and worlds. Embrace the questions and love well.

The Holy Days

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Published in Connections Magazine (November/December 2015)
Learn about Connections here

faith and family

The Holy Days

by Marcus J. Carlson

The holiday season is always one of joy for me, even in the midst of the busyness of life, family and ministry. My love for all things Christmas makes this season even more meaningful for me. Having younger children (ages 10 & 8) also makes the holiday season particularly joyful and special. The holidays are certainly a time for family. In fact, the gift of the holiday season—both Thanksgiving and Christmas— is that it forces us in our busy culture to stop and to be with, enjoy and celebrate with our families. Holidays also teach us much about discipleship.

There are very few things I can think of that I enjoy as much as time with my family. Whether a small amount of time between events, a board game, a movie or an incredible family vacation, family time is the best time. We have worked hard as a family to be intentional about spending time together. We schedule one-on-one time on our calendars with each of our two children throughout the week. We make sure to schedule a vacation every year and a game and movie night almost every month. I have found that even in the lightest of schedules, if we are not intentional about family time it just does not happen.

The holidays have served as a yearly reminder that not only is family time the best time, we need to cherish it, make it a priority and be intentional about it. Our strength as families (whatever our family makeup may be) in Christ and as a family is directly connected to the quantity and quality of time we spend together. The hard truth is that if we do not make family time a priority, our opportunity to in uence our children decreases and our ability to help them grow in their faith is diminished. Discipleship is impossible without spending time together and best happens in relationship. If we want to make our own discipleship (learning, growing and following) and the discipleship of our children a priority, we must spend time together.

When we look at the word holiday and break it down into its two separate words, we get an important phrase and concept that applies not only to us as individuals, but as families and as a culture. Holy Days. That is what holidays are: holy days. We all recognize that not all holidays are holy days. Certainly Labor Day, Valentines Day, Presidents Day and National Ice Cream Day, among others, are not necessarily holy days—even though they are observed as holidays. We all place different value on the holidays that nd their way into our calendars, our social media pages and our lives. I could do without Valentine’s Day, but would be content for National Ice Cream Day being declared as a federal holiday!

As Christians, we recognize Christmas and Easter as our holiest of days. In fact, based on church attendance alone we know that even those who are not in a regular relationship with church or in relationship with Jesus see these two days as the most holy of days! If we are honest, however, we recognize that every day is a holy day. Many of us begin our worship with the simple phrase recognizing this reality; ‘this is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.’ This concept is not meant to be cliche or reserved only for Sunday. Every day is truly holy.

The painful truth is that we do not often approach each day as holy. Often, we approach each day by our mood, the weather, the season, the items on our calendar or to do list, our work or a myriad of other things. I believe that our days would take a different shape (as would our attitudes about them) if we truly approached each day as a holy day.

If we were to make an intentional effort to see each day as holy, a gift from God, with the goal to listen to, watch for and engage with the work of the Holy Spirit, all our days would be holy and transformative. Our lives, our families, our churches and our culture would be radically different.

Instead of trying to ght cultural battles through media and government, what if we were simply to live each day as holy, looking for opportunities in each day to bring God’s love and grace to everyone we encounter? This concept resembles the discipleship Jesus taught us through His life, His teaching and His relationship with the 12 disciples, rather than the kind of discipleship we often live out in our culture today.

In our home, we have made family dinner a priority. It is not easy in the world today, and there are seasons more than others when we are more successful in this discipline. We know family time matters for many reasons. In fact, there is an in nite amount of good research that tells us that for the past six or more decades, the activity with the single most in uence on the long-term health of our children is family dinner. The Scripture, our hearts—and even secular research—all point to the important truth that time together is powerful and transformative.

As a part of our family dinner routine we share three things with each other, in addition to any other conversation that might happen (the iPhones, books, toys and iPads are not at the table). Those three topics for conversation include our high, our low and our holy.

Our high is the best part of the day and is required sharing. The low is a low point of the day and is something that is shared optionally (my optimistic son most days says, “I have no low today!”). The holy is a time in our day that we saw or thought about God.

Listening to our children share their observations about the holiness of each day over the past ve years has been incredible. It is a powerful reminder of childlike faith. It is a powerful reminder of our blessings and the holiness of each day. It is a practice that has transformed us as parents, and it is building a habit and perspective in our children that will do more for their relationship with God, the church and the world than any Sunday school class, Bible study or other program ever could.

As we approach this holiday season, we are reminded of the meaning and power of holidays. We are reminded of the signi cance of family. We are reminded of the power of time together. We recognize that discipleship happens in relationship, and relationship does not happen by accident.

True, powerful and meaningful relationship happens when we are intentional and make time together a priority.

Each day is holy. Each day represents an opportunity for discipleship—in our own lives, in our families and in all whom we encounter. As Lamentations 3:22-23 reminds us: “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

Make each day holy, because God already has.

One Thing

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Published in Connections Magazine (September/October 2015)
Learn about Connections here

faith and family

One Thing…

by Marcus J. Carlson

The theme of this issue is faith and suffering. It is an important theme, one worth revisiting on a regular basis as suffering is a reality we all face this side of heaven. It is also important because our understanding and response to suffering is often flawed, as is our understanding of faith. Our intentions are good, but the depth of these topics requires consistent reflection.

As I reflect on family, children and adolescents, these topics are all the more important. In the midst of child and adolescent development, suffering is exponentially more complicated. It is during childhood and adolescence the vast majority of people come to faith and build a foundation of faith. Suffering and faith are deeply connected, and it is in our most painful of moments that we need God the most.

Suffering is hard. Obvious, right? Maybe so, but it is important to say it out loud, to recognize the difficulty of suffering. In fact, one of the greatest challenges in overcoming suffering is simply vocalizing and accepting our feelings about it, knowing that God can handle all of the emotions He created in us.

While suffering is hard, there is something even more difficult than suffering: watching those you love suffer. I would much rather face suffering myself than to have my family and those I love face it. As a parent I never want my children to suffer, and when they do it is deeply painful. Honestly, there is nothing worse than seeing my children suffer or to be in pain of any kind. Naturally I want to prevent and fix any suffering or pain in the lives of my children. I want to protect and save them from pain and suffering. Every loving parent feels this way, and yet every parent knows it is impossible to prevent, fix, protect and save our children from all the pain and suffering they might face.

As I reflect on how difficult of a reality this is for me, I can only begin to fathom how hard this must be for God. In the midst of suffering and pain we hope our children can learn from the difficulties we face. We desire to teach them and walk with them in a compassionate way as they process through suffering, pain and loss. This is one of the most holy, humbling, meaningful and challenging tasks we face as parents.

In attempting to make sense of suffering with my children, I recognize there is one important value, quality and concept I must instill in and teach my children: trust. The most valuable asset, tool and approach to suffering is a healthy, persistent and deep trust of God. In suffering, it is hardest to trust God because fairness and justice are often absent.

As we try to make sense of something that cannot be logically understood, it is difficult to feel the presence of God. We develop catchy cliches that at best represent poor theology, doing little to sustain us in the midst of suffering. Well intentioned—but often unhelpful and inaccurate Biblically and theologically—these sayings do not help us to trust God more or to process our pain and suffering in a meaningful and life-giving way. “God never gives me more than I can handle.” “Everything happens for a reason.” “God must be testing me.”

While I do not believe any of these to be true (or Biblical), I do believe God is with us in the midst of suffering, perhaps most profoundly so. Whether the cause of our suffering is life, sin or the evil one, God is with us in the midst of it. Our pain and suffering breaks the heart of God. God desires, can and will make good of the suffering and pain we face, which brings me back to trust.

The word faith as it is used in the Scripture in many cases (both Old and New Testament), and especially in Paul’s usage, literally translates to trust. We often think of the word faith as belief, which is not necessarily wrong, but is a limited understanding of the word faith. Faith at its core is trust. I can believe in almost anything, but to trust something (or someone) is so much deeper, more meaningful, more powerful and more difficult.

Trust is vital, not only as the definition of faith, but in every aspect of our lives. Trust is the center of all of our relationships: at work, home and beyond. Trust is the cornerstone and the determining factor in the health of our marriages, friendships and other important relationships. Trust is essential, especially in parenting.

When it comes to our relationship with God, our faith and our Christianity, we recognize trust is the one thing we do. We trust God, and God does the rest. It is God who calls us, invites us, adopts us, saves us, sanctifies us and transforms us. We simply embrace what God has done, is doing and will do by trusting.

Trust is our one great act. It is the very foundation and definition of faith. Trusting God in the midst of suffering is extremely difficult, but it is the only way. It is the only way to survive, make sense of and see God’s redeeming work in the midst of suffering. In this way, we must learn to trust, teach our children to trust and model trust for them.

Brennan Manning, in his powerful book on this subject, Ruthless Trust, states: “The splendor of a human heart that trusts it is loved unconditionally gives God more pleasure than Westminster Cathedral, the Sistine Chapel, Beethoven’s “Ninth Symphony”, Van Gogh’s “Sunflowers”, the sight of 10,000 butterflies in flight, or the scent of a million orchids in bloom. Trust is our gift back to God, and he finds it so enchanting that Jesus died for love of it.”

Our call as Christ followers, the church, adults and parents is to teach and mentor our children. It is a commitment we make in birth, baptism and more. Jesus was passionate about children and indignant when they were slighted and ignored. This is a high and challenging call for us all, a great responsibility, but also a humbling gift.

Teaching, mentoring and caring for our children may be the most difficult in the midst of suffering, yet we know that it is in these moments God can take the difficult situations of life and turn them into powerful moments of deep faith. The best thing we can do for the faith of our children is to teach them to trust God, help them to trust God, and model a trust of God for them. We must avoid the temptation to shelter, explain or fix the pain and suffering they face and walk with them so their trust of God may grow.

Faith is difficult. Pain and suffering are overwhelming, dis- couraging and heartbreaking, especially when experienced by our children and adolescents. In these moments our rela- tionship with God and our relationship with our children and adolescents is very important.

May we trust God in the midst of suffering and in all aspects of life.

May we trust God with our children and may we model trust for all the children and adolescents God has put in our lives..

Impact

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Published in Connections Magazine (July/August 2015)

Learn about Connections here

faith and family

Impact

by Marcus J. Carlson

 

As a part of my doctoral research, I pored over a tremendous amount of research about the faith development of children and adolescents. As I looked at the various books, studies and research on faith development, I found some common themes that while not surprising to me, are also not some- thing I have forgotten as an educator, pastor or parent. The five most significant factors impacting faith development in children and adolescents are things that all parents, pastors, churches and anyone who works with children and youth should take seriously.

Faith Factor #5: Faith Experiences

Faith experiences have a tremendous impact on the faith development of children and adolescents. Of these faith experiences, the most impactful experiences are service projects and mission trips. We often emphasize the larger, more fun and popular experiences like camp, retreats and other events, but the faith experiences that are most impactful are the service oriented faith experiences. I am not talking about the youth working the ladies tea event or raking the lawn, but rather those service projects and mission trips where youth directly serve those in need. After over 13 years working in children, youth and family ministry, the most significant ministries were the service ministries. At age 6 my son came to a youth service project where we helped cook breakfast in the park for the homeless and handed out sack lunches as well as socks (it was win- ter time) to the homeless. At one point he asked me why a child (around his age) had the socks we had given him on his hands. I explained that he probably did not own any gloves. Micah asked me if he could give the kid his gloves. As he walked over to the dad and his son and offered his gloves, it was a powerful transforming moment for my son and his father.

Faith Factor #4: connection to the Larger church

Research tells us children and youth who are connected to the life of the church beyond their age-specific programs and worship service attendance (though those too are important) are far more likely to have a deep and lasting faith. Finding and creating opportunities for our children and youth to serve and be a part of our churches is tremendously important. One of our confirmation requirements is that the youth serve in the church in at least one way during confirmation and participate in church events (particularly service projects) to some degree. Involving our children and youth in the life of the church is a win-win-win. The kids win, their families win, and our churches win.

Faith Factor #3: Practicing Spiritual Disciplines

The practice of the spiritual disciplines, such as prayer, read- ing the Bible, worshipping and more has a tremendous im- pact on the faith development of children and adolescents. Faith is truly individual and communal. Practicing the disci- plines is the best tool for developing the individual faith of our children and adolescents. Teaching children and youth these practices, while also giving them space to engage in them, is essential. In our confirmation program, we have our youth learn about the core disciplines with an adult mentor. We also include a prayer that our children, along with the congregation, repeat at the end of children’s time in worship service. Another idea is offering a ‘first Bible’ class for children where they learn how to read the Bible and are given an age-appropriate Bible as a gift. We ask our own children to read the Bible each day, as well as a kids’ devotional. They do not bat 100% in this, but they do it more than most adults I know. I make sure to  Marcus J. Carlson is an ordained pastor (LCMC & NALC), with a Doctor of Ministry focused in family ministry. He currently serves as Senior Pastor at St. Mark’s Lutheran Church, Auburn, IN. He and his wife, Jessica, have two children. 30  do this myself, knowing that modeling is more powerful than telling them to do it.

Faith Factor #2: authentic relationships with Adults who love Jesus

Children and youth who have meaningful, authentic relation- ships with adults (besides their parents) inside and outside of the church have a more genuine, robust faith that those who do not. Research continues to demonstrate that adult re- lationships are the most significant influence in the lives of children and youth (parents being the most significant). As adults, it is our call to ensure our children and adoles- cents have multiple adults in addition to their parents in their lives. This means being those adults in the lives of children and adolescents we know and finding adults to be a healthy, Christ-like influence in the lives of the children and adoles- cents in our church and sphere of influence. Mentors, men- toring programs and other experiences that foster meaningful relationships with faithful adults should be an essential part of our church ministries. Intergenerational connections are far more powerful than we often realize. In the family ministries I led, I often tried to structure our ministries and programs in a way that created multiple dif- ferent adult connections for our children and youth. As a par- ent, I am always on the lookout for, praying for, supporting, encouraging and thanking those faithful adults who are in the lives of my own children.

Faith Factor #1: the Faith and Practice of Parents

The most significant influence in the life of a child or ado- lescent is and has always been their parents. Regardless of their family makeup or health, parents are always the most significant influence in the lives of children and youth as ev- ery single good study has demonstrated for decades. While this can be intimidating as a parent, it is the way in which God has created and ordered the world. As noted in the book for parents, Sticky Faith, when it comes to the faith of their children, “parents get what they are.” The depth, commitment and nature of my faith is the most significant factor in the faith of my children. Recently, I got an email from a frustrated parent of a teen- ager. She was concerned because her adolescent said he did not believe in Jesus. She was frustrated at the heated argu- ments that they were having about this topic. I shared with her that rebellion, and even faith rebellion was normal. I also told her that doubt was normal and in fact healthy, especially for adolescent faith development. Finally, I noted that it was very difficult for our children to take faith seriously if we do not. I shared, uncritically, that family worship participation is important to the faith development of our children and adolescents. This loving and concerned mother is one of many I have encountered that wanted their children to have a deep faith, but often did not make their own faith a priority. Regular worship and a connection to the church had not been a priority for their family in the past two years. If we want our children to take faith seriously and have a dynamic, deep, meaningful and authentic relationship with the triune God, then we as parents must authentically model the kind of faith we wish for our children and adolescents. The good news is that creating an environment where our children and youth can develop a deep, sustainable and authentic faith is not rocket science. It does not require a sig- nificant amount of resources. The challenge is it does require an intentional, authentic effort by parents, the church and those who follow Jesus working together to give our best to our children and adolescents.

 

For more on this topic, contact Marcus at: marcusjcarlson@me.com or visit his website at: www.marcusjcarlson.com

Re-think Community

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Published in Connections Magazine (May/June 2015)

Learn about Connections here

faith and family

Re-think Community

by Marcus J. Carlson

When I think about the focus of this issue of Connections, I am struck by many things. The notion of working together, or in theological terms ecumenism, is essential to the life of the church and a cornerstone of Christian faith. True, healthy, Biblical community is impossible without working together—not just different churches, but every part of the community. The truth is our world has become increasingly divided. Sadly, the church is not an exception. Our focus as a culture is on what divides us rather than what unites us. This is one of the primary reasons we see so much hatred, dysfunction and fear throughout our culture today.

The truth is that we as the church of Jesus Christ are called to be different. We are called to lead. The best leadership is not achieved through force, but rather through service. Ecumenism is very important. It must go beyond the church —beyond individual churches and denominations. Working together as communities in today’s world is essential. We as the church need to lead through service in re-thinking ecu- menism, working together and building community.

Our children and adolescents have been dramatically im- pacted by the shift away from collaboration and community. Adolescence has extended, is more complicated, danger- ous, resourced and lonely than ever before in the history of North America. One of the biggest factors creating this dynamic is the reduction in the number of healthy, invested adults in the lives of our children and adolescents.

In fact, most of the systems and organizations that exist to care for, support, benefit and improve the lives of our chil- dren and adolescents have become about something other than what is best for our children and adolescents. This is the most pressured and privileged generation in the history of the world, and ironically they are also the most lonely. We do not have another generation to get our act together. If the church will not rise up to support, care for and fight for what is best for our children and adolescents, who will? In a world with greater resources, pressures and dangers, our children and youth need at least five healthy, authen- tic adults investing in their lives. This is in addition to parents, who regardless of their performance can never be replaced—parents always have and will be the most significant influence in a child’s life. Currently, more than 50% of children born to mothers under the age of 30 in the United States are born into a single parent situation. This means that having two, healthy, invested parents has become a statistical luxury. While the situation may be discouraging, the great news is that the answer is simple: partner to invest in the lives of our children and adolescents.

To say that I am passionate about this is an understatement. It was the subject of my doctoral dissertation. I speak, teach and lead seminars for schools, parents and communities to share critical information about what is happening with our children and adolescents and what we can do about it. I seek to serve the non-profits, schools and other organizations in my community to do what is best for the community, espe- cially for children and adolescents.

I love volunteering in schools, using my gifts and resources on boards, committees and other efforts. I find that some of the most effective, life-giving and meaningful ministry comes in partnering with and serving the community.

I am passionate about it as a parent also, already looking for, praying for and encouraging those adults who, in addition to my wife and I, will invest in the lives of our children in a healthy way. I enjoy getting to know, praying for and serving my children’s teachers, coaches and youth leaders.

I was once asked to sum up my thoughts from a 2-hour semi- nar on this subject in a couple sentences. I said, “The truth is that many things have changed dramatically, while others have not. While the problems are complex and overwhelm- ing, the solution is simple; we need more healthy, invested adults in the lives of our children and adolescents who genu- inely care about what is best for them.”

It is my assertion that this happens best in community. It happens best through working together, partnering, col- laborating and re-thinking community. While it is possible to achieve a healthier culture for our adolescents without this partnership, I am convinced it is not sustainable without working together.

We as the church often proclaim our desire to lead within our community, but do not take the first step. I believe the church is called to lead its community in working together for our children and adolescents. We must partner with par- ents, families, schools, community organizations and the community as a whole in order to care for, support and help our children and adolescents become healthy adults who are a part of our society instead of isolated from it.

This (and any) partnership, collaboration or effort to work together must start with humility and service. The church must lead by serving, humbly seeking to work together and do what is best for children and adolescents—and not focus on our own needs, desires or agenda. One of the greatest deterrents to any collaborative effort is a focus on your own agenda. Whether internally or externally, directly or indi- rectly, though, we often allow our agenda, as pure as it may be, to be our focus. This situation not only makes healthy collaboration impossible, it lacks in humility and does not embrace a posture of service.

While this generation faces many challenges, it is also the most mission-oriented generation in the history of the Unit- ed States and has more potential than any generation in recent memory. I wholeheartedly believe our children and adolescents are worth fighting for. There is no greater time than the present for the church to rise up, to do and be what it was called to be: the hands and feet of Christ, bringing the love and grace of Jesus to the world. We are partners with Christ in bringing about the Kingdom of God on earth. If we embrace this partnership and seek to partner with our com- munity in humility and service, anything is possible. We are all in this together regardless of our gender, race, age, theol- ogy or economic status.

For me, I have a desire to give my life to this cause. My hope is to bring transformation to everyone I encounter through Jesus Christ. There is no greater way to love than to serve— or better yet, as Jesus said: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13).

Ecumenism is more than working with other churches and other denominations. It means working and partnering with our communities. It means setting aside our agenda for Christ’s agenda of service, love and grace in humility.

Our children and adolescents are worth fighting for. Jesus died for love of them, just as he has for adults. We are called to a life of humble service and partnership with the people and organizations of our community for the good of all. It is time for the church of Jesus Christ to rise up—not to fight a culture war, but to partner with and serve our communities in love.

This is not just an idealistic hope or dream; it is a call. Per- haps more now than ever, our children and adolescents need us. It is time to be the church of Jesus Christ in the world.

Helping our Children and Adolescents See Jesus

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Published in Connections Magazine (March/April 2015)

Learn about Connections here

faith and family

Helping Our Children and Adolescents See Jesus 

by Marcus J. Carlson 

I have always enjoyed Easter, even long before I knew the meaning of this holy day. As a parent and a pastor, it is one of the holidays that brings together the best of three worlds: time with church focused on Christ, time with my family and deep joy for my kids. Easter also serves as a reminder of the essence and power of our faith. On Easter we are reminded of the joy of the resurrection and of new life in Christ. Like any holiday, I want my own children to have a wonderful experience, to know its meaning and to carefully and simply enjoy the extra stuff that comes with it. I carry that same mindset into ministry within any congregation, especially with our children and youth.

When I reflect on the Easter story as it is found in the Scripture, one word often comes to mind. See. In the story of the discovery of Jesus’ empty tomb, the word see makes more than one appearance. It is important, perhaps more important than we realize. The truth of the Gospel, of parenting— and of anything of great value—is that it is often simple to understand and recognize, yet difficult to live out. This is true of parenting, discipleship, following Jesus and much more. The word see is a short and simple word, with many meanings, especially in the Scripture, yet to live a life of sight, of Christ-like sight, is no small task.

Easter is a reminder that we as parents, adults and Christ followers must see Jesus and to help those around us, especially our children and youth, to see Jesus. This short word has many meanings as there are many ways to see. It can be as simple as noticing something and as profound as deep understanding. In the Easter story, those who go to the tomb see a total of three times that the tomb is empty and Jesus was not there, but each time their seeing was different. I find this fascinating, yet it also reveals an important truth: there are many ways to see Jesus.

Do we simply notice Jesus? Do we go so far as to investigate and know about Jesus? Do we really desire to see Jesus in such a way that we have a deep understanding of who He is? This is not only a question for each of us as disciples of Jesus to answer. As parents, grandparents, community and church members, it is our call to help our children and adolescents see Jesus. As a parent, and certainly as a pastor, I have many hopes and dreams for my children and for the children, adolescents and adults in our church and community. For me, the emphasis has always been on pointing people to Jesus and the Kingdom. This starts with a focus on Scripture. I want my own children and those I lead and serve to do more that notice Jesus, believe in Jesus or simply investigate Jesus. I want those I love and serve to truly know Jesus on a deeper level, to see Jesus fully in a way that transforms their hearts, minds and lives over and over again.

Each night at family dinner, we talk about a variety of things, but we always try to share three things: the best part of our  day (the high), the toughest part of our day (the low), and a time we thought about or saw God during our day (the holy). This has been a meaningful practice and we ask that everyone have at least one high and one holy. It has been interesting to listen to and learn from each other as we have shared this tradition over the past several years. Not only has it brought us closer together, but closer to God as well.

I have also found that this practice causes us to more easily see God and assists us in more naturally looking for God in our daily life. The more we look for God, the more we practice our seeing, and the more often and more natural our sight becomes. The depth of our seeing is enhanced greatly when we practice looking for and seeing God in our daily lives. While those going to the tomb noticed right away that it was empty, it was the third time when they looked inside that it began to sink in. Even then, when Jesus appeared they did not see at first that it was Jesus. It’s a reminder that see- ing Jesus, following Jesus and pointing people to Jesus is not a one time event or task, it is a continual activity, both in our own lives and in the lives of our children and adolescents.

So often, we only seek to see Jesus in the midst of worship or some other religious experience. It is in the midst of great suffering and great joy that we can more easily look for Jesus, but to look for Him in the day to day, normal living of our life requires commitment and intentionality. At the center of the faith formation of children and adolescents is relation- ship—relationship with God and with adults who love Jesus and model a relationship with Jesus. While there is much debate about the best approach to Christian education and faith formation, the proven, most effective means of education and faith formation are having significant, intentional relationships with adults who love Jesus.

While programs can be helpful, they are merely tools to create meaningful relationships and community. While our relationship with Jesus is personal, faith at its core is communal. Helping our children and adolescents find meaningful, Christ-focused community is the best thing we can do for them. Creating healthy, invested, Christ-centered community in our homes, churches and communities for our children and adolescents is the most effective way to help our children and adolescents see Jesus in a profound way. This effort must be intentional and intergenerational in nature. iIn addition to their parents, our children and adolescents need at least five invested adults in their lives who love them and love Jesus.

This Easter as we celebrate the greatest gift the world has ever received and once again embrace our relationship with

Jesus, may we see Jesus more clearly. May we trust Christ and help those around us see Jesus in a more meaningful, profound and transformative way. This Easter embrace the gift of relationship and seek meaningful relationship with Jesus and our children and adolescents so that they too may see Jesus.

Christ is Risen!

Walking as Jesus Walked

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Published in Connections Magazine (Jan/Feb 2015)

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faith and family

Walking as Jesus Walked

by Marcus J. Carlson

In late October I had the tremendous privilege to travel to Israel. It has long been on my bucket list and something I had dreamed of doing personally, professionally and spiritually. The trip and my time in Israel more than lived up to my expectations as it was a deeply transformational experience. To experience the sites, walk where Jesus walked and be in the place where much of Christ’s life and ministry unfolded was inspiring. I certainly have no regrets, and look forward to leading a trip in October 2015 as well as future trips.

Three weeks after returning, I was out shopping with my 9-year-old son Micah and we were enjoying some quality time together as he talked to me about a variety of things. During a time of silence as we were walking down an aisle, Micah said, “Dad, I would really like to go to Israel with you.” I was surprised to hear this, as I had not discussed much about my trip at that point. Micah has always had some real spiritual depth, but as he has grown older—like many boys—he has shown mixed interest in church and spiritual things. As of late, I noticed him paying more attention during sermons and getting more excited about Sunday School. For the past month he has been asking to stay after church to participate in confirmation, because in his words, “I really want to learn.”

My first response in my head to my son’s request was one of curious joy, which quickly turned to the practical. “Micah,” I said, “I think that is wonderful and I hope that some day you get to do that. It was a wonderful trip for dad.” His response was simple and unemotional, “Dad, I would like to go with you next year when you go again.” I carefully and gently ex- plained to him (wanting to be realistic, but supportive) that I did not think that he would enjoy it at his age. “Micah, it is a lot of walking and a lot of visiting sites. I think you would get bored and would not enjoy it. There is not a lot for kids to do there.” His response struck me as profound. “Dad, I know that, but I still want to go. I just want to walk where Jesus walked.”

I just want to walk where Jesus walked.

I could not have said it better myself. For a moment, I got caught up in my own response to his statement. My 9-year- old son had articulated my incredible experience in a more simple and profound way than I had been able to do (part of that pastoral verbosity, I suppose). In an instant, I relived my entire trip and the various intellectual, emotional and spiritual responses I had expressed and experienced. Most profound was sitting in the cell below the house of Caiphas where Jesus awaited his trial, praying at the Western wall, sitting on the temple stairs where Jesus would have learned and taught, walking the road Jesus walked with the cross, kneeling at the birth site in Bethlehem, looking over the Shepherd fields, praying in the Garden, and standing in awe in the place of the cross and burial.

It was an instantaneous reminder not just of a powerful trip, but of my own spiritual journey and all that matters most to me. In Israel, I wanted to walk where Jesus walked, yet my trip and this moment with my son were powerful reminders of what matters most to me: to walk with Jesus and to walk as Jesus walked. In his simple, innocent, pure and authentic expression, Micah reminded me of my own faith and the deep power of childlike faith.

Somewhere along the way we lose sight of our childlike faith. It is going to happen to my children, and I had started to wonder up if it was already happening to my son. It is something I do not want to happen, something I will mourn.

It goes beyond the parental desire to have our children remain childlike. Every time I get a glimpse of childlike faith in others or even in my own rare moments, I am reminded of the profound nature of Jesus’ challenge to all the disciples to have the faith of a child. Though we lose our childlike nature somewhere along the way, I am convinced we do not have to fully lose our childlike faith and can reclaim it in our adult lives.

These thoughts were powerful and challenging, but were only the beginning of what has turned into deeper reflection on this moment with my son. Recently, we were doing a sermon series on the book of Ephesians. In one sermon, I spoke about imitation: the nature and power of imitation and how our children naturally imitate us at all ages, just as we continue to imitate our own parents. This comes in ways we both celebrate and mourn. Without connecting the dots, I used my son Micah as an example and shared how over time he has continued to imitate me when it comes to watching football. This started when he was one year old and would imitate the motion for touchdown and continues today as he yells at the television in the same way I do during good plays, in favor of liked teams and against those he does not like. While I find this enjoyable and endearing, more importantly, this experience—along with my Israel experience and our shopping trip conversation—reminds me of the powerful nature of imitation.

Paul called his readers to follow him as he followed Christ. While I enjoy my children imitating the good and mourn the bad imitations (which challenges me to rethink and change my own actions, words and responses), there is something much deeper at stake. I must do all I can to imitate Christ— not just as a disciple or a pastor, but as a parent. As we imitate Christ, we give our children the gift of faith and the opportunity to do more than imitate us: to imitate Christ. My sincere hope is not that my children will become more like me or some other ideal I have about what they should be- come, but that they would become like Christ.

A part of me hopes that when Micah told me he wants to “walk where Jesus walked” that he was saying something more than a desire to go on a trip to Israel. My sincere hope and prayer is that everyone I encounter, especially my children, would seek to follow Christ, to imitate Christ, to not only desire to walk where Jesus walked, but to simply and profoundly walk with Jesus. My hope is that my children would walk as Jesus walked, to live a life of imitation—imitation of Christ in those around them, but most importantly imitation of Christ Himself. What better goal and hope can we have as parents, grandparents and those who care about children and adolescents—that they may walk with Jesus, walking as Jesus walked, living as Christ lived, and imitating the only one worth our unfiltered imitation!

The gift of Christian Education and Faith Formation

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Published in Connections Magazine (Nov/Dec 2014)

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faith and family

The gift of Christian Education and Faith Formation

by Marcus J Carlson

Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to celebrate our many blessings with family and friends. Christmas is a joyous time, a time of sharing, family and celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, Emmanuel, God with us. The season that lies ahead serves as a wonderful reminder of the many gifts we have and the gift of family. There is something about the holiday season in particular that renews my focus on giving my very best to my own children. Many parents wish to give their kids a better life than the one they had. Regardless of our experience or perspective, parents recognize that the call to be a parent is the greatest gift we will receive and for most of us the greatest challenge we will face.

We make many promises as parents, to ourselves, one another and to our children. When we choose to have our children baptized, we make a commitment to bring them up in faith and the congregation in turn makes a commitment to be a part of that process. Much in the world has changed, and the very nature of childhood and adolescence is dramatically different than in the past. While this can be a difficult reality to face, the core needs of our children and adolescents have not changed. Much like education, our approach to Christian education in the lives of our children and adolescents deserves some examination. So often, we farm the education of our children to the school system or we do it alone. The same can be said of Christian education. Many times we expect the church to do all of the Christian education in the lives of our children and adolescents, or we simply go it alone as parents. In both cases, these are unhealthy approaches to education. In our highly individualistic culture, we have lost sight of the value, nature and power of community. Healthy community, especially healthy adult community may be one of the greatest needs of our children and adolescents today.

One of the challenges our families face is the Christian education and faith formation of our children and adolescents. As a parent, I know I have tremendous responsibility for my children in this way. I also know that it is not a call or task my wife and I are meant to do on our own. As a pastor, I recognize that the church has an obligation to be a part of the Christian education and spiritual formation of all those in the church and our community, especially our children and adolescents. The truth is this endeavor is a partnership, a partnership we all participate in. Christian education and spiritual formation, especially in the lives of children and adolescents is a community endeavor. The children and adolescents, parents, congregation, community should all come together to care for the children and adolescents. So often we do not take this call seriously, offering the minimal to our children and youth, relegating their formation to a lower priority to other church ministries and programs. Conversely, we often move to the other extreme and focus on programming and activities as our sole means of Christian education and spiritual formation. Rarely do we consider what it means to partner with and equip parents in the spiritual formation of their children in a healthy and effective way.

It is easy to recognize that the world is more complicated for our children and adolescents than it may have ever been. It is perhaps more essential than ever that the church rethinks its approach to the Christian education and spiritual formation of its children and adolescents. What’s not need are more programs, activities or a more rigid approach from the past. While it may be easy to pass off sole responsibility to parents under an often misguided principle that parents are the only, primary or lead source of discipleship in the lives of their children and adolescents, faith is meant to be lived out, expressed and experienced in community. This is one of the core purposes of the church. Relationship with the triune God, one another and the world is at the center of our faith. So often our approaches to Christian education and faith formation, especially in the lives of our children and adolescents are anything but relational.

At Christmas, we celebrate the greatest gift to the world, Jesus. The coming of Christ is more than a miraculous event, the source of salvation and an example of how to live within the Kingdom of God (this is all quite important and more than enough!). The coming of Christ to earth in Bethlehem is most certainly a powerful event, a world changing moment. As I think about Christmas, the life of Christ, and the Christian education and spiritual formation of children and adolescents, one word comes to mind. Incarnation. God in the flesh, God with us, God walking amongst us, becoming one of us. The Word become flesh and living among us. It is all language we are familiar with, but in the midst of familiarity, the pressures of life and the trappings of the holidays, we must look to the incarnation. The incarnation is certainly the greatest gift we have been given. It is also an invitation and model of relationship, with God, one another and the world. It is the primary model of ministry and discipleship. Jesus, the Son of God, the Messiah, Savior and Christ came to be with us, desires to be in relationship with us and walks with us.

As we think about our children and adolescents, we look to this Christ and seek deeper relationship with God and our children and youth. As they seek Christ, we walk with them in relationship, pointing them to a deeper, life-giving relationship with Jesus. As we think about the Christian education and spiritual formation of our children and adolescents, we should look to the incarnation. As we celebrate family this holiday, we have the opportunity to renew our commitment to them. As we come together this Advent season to prepare for and celebrate the coming of Christ, we can reclaim our call as a community of faith to partner together in the care of our children and adolescents. This Christmas season, we can offer a gift to our children, adolescents, families, churches and communities: a reminder of the power of an incarnation, but also a renewed commitment to the education and spiritual formation of our children and adolescents.

Family, Mission and the World

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Published in Connections Magazine (Sept/Oct 2014)

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faith and family

Family,Mission and the World

by Marcus J. Carlson

As I write this article, I am sitting in the car returning home from a week-long mission trip with The Philadelphia Project, a mission organization doing phenomenal work in the city of Philadelphia. Five of our youth and three of our adults served in the city, leading day camps and doing home re- pair for the poor, elderly and disabled. We even hosted a free community cookout in the city. As usual, the mission trip was powerful and transformative as we all were drawn closer to Christ in the midst of seeking to be the hands and feet of Christ in the world.

My own experience and research demonstrates clearly that service is one of three most transformative and impactful things we can do for our faith. One of the key revelations in my doctoral research was the universal evidence that the three things impacting the faith of a child or adolescent are mentors, spiritual disciplines and service.

As a parent, I recognize that the faith formation of my children is communal. In fact, our faith as Christians is communal. In our highly individualistic culture, we often assume faith is an individual matter, and while our relationship with Jesus is individual, faith is grown, expressed and lived out in community.

This week I have seen this in action once again. Half of our mission team consisted of one family: a mom and all three of her children. In my over 16 years of mission trips with youth, this is the first time I have had this many members of one family on a mission trip. In addition to a great trip and experience, it served as a reminder of the power that comes from families serving together. It is something I have spoken and written about extensively because it is so important.

So often, world mission seems like a distant thing—some- thing for those who have a special call to do, or something we are not necessarily involved in outside of offering finan- cial and prayer support. We often fail to realize that be- cause God has created and cares deeply about the whole world, we are called to love and serve the whole world. The

idea of mission—and most certainly global mission—is not something we often connect to our family life, but I believe families can and should be engaged with global mission. It is certainly my hope and prayer my own family will continue to be engaged in global mission in each and every stage of our family life together.

In regard to global or world mission in our families, there are several important truths that come to mind. In understand- ing world mission, we recognize that it is local, national and global in nature. In this way, our families gain strength, deepen in their individual and collective faith, fulfill the Great Commission and help bring about the Kingdom of God in the world when they engage mission locally, nationally and globally. God places each individual, family and church in a community for a reason and purpose in every season.

One of our jobs is to discern how we can love and serve those in our community based on he movement of the Holy Spirit, our gifts and the needs of the community. Addition- ally, we are called to love and serve communities other than our own. These can be communities in our state, our region or outside of our state or region. Finally, we are called to global or international missions as well.

The truth is that family can be involved in mission in many ways: communication, prayer, giving and serving among others. Unfortunately, so often we limit mission to our financial giving, patting ourselves on the back for the money we gave away and forgetting it was not ours in the first place. Giving of our prayers and our finances is important, but I believe God calls us to more as long as we are physically able.

I started out talking about short-term missions, some- thing I believe to be very important and effective, but even short-term mission trips and events have flaws, and in and of themselves are not enough. In fact, I have long been an advocate of engaging with one to three short-term mission organizations, opportunities or communities with the short- term trips, year-round support and engagement so that long- term relationships are built. Depending on the organization and church, this can look very different, but the beauty and effectiveness of mission is found more in long-term relation- ship than it is in financial support, trips, projects or short- term missions.

Certainly, relationships with long-term missionaries have benefits as well. The work required to discern how to best engage with missions can be discouraging, but the benefit of developing models and relationships focused on the long- term needs, benefits and connection are undeniable.

In my own family and with others we have tried to share ideas of how to engage with mission locally, nationally and globally. Offering our prayers and giving are two easy ways to do this. We sponsor and pray for three children in the same church and community in El Salvador, but we also work hard to do more than pray for them and support them financially. We write them regularly, and both my wife and I have visited them in El Salvador. In fact, I have had the rare privilege of visiting each of their homes. Our kids write them letters, pray for them and color them pictures. We look forward to bring- ing our children to El Salvador one day. We have participated as a family in service projects in our church and community, and look forward to serving on mission trips in the future— even as part of our regular vacations. We are committed to investing in our community, nation and the world in any way we can. We seek to give to mission organizations locally.

My goal as a pastor is to create a wide variety of opportunities for intergenerational service and mission as well as family mission and service in our community, nation and world.

The family is the primary community for ministry to and with our children and adolescents. While discipleship happens in community, and we must all commit to nurturing and discipling our children. As a parent, I recognize that while I am not the only one to disciple my children—and I do not even believe that I am the primary discipler of my children in every season of their life—I do know that I must be a spiritual leader to them in every season of life. You cannot be a disciple or a leader without serving others. As a leader to my children I must not only live by example but also help and call them to service to others. Our family must be mission- minded in our thoughts, finances, actions and every possible aspect of our family life.

Mission is not just an ideal or some prayers, checks and projects. As followers of Christ, we are called to be in mis- sion with our whole lives. As families, we must lead by ex- ample and create a culture for our families that is rooted in global mission.

Partnership & Mission

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Published in Connections Magazine (July/Aug 2014)

Learn about Connections here

faith and family

Partnership & Mission

by Marcus J. Carlson

At its core, family is community. We have many different types of family and community: our immediate family, extended family, those we consider family, church family, and of course, our community in general. One of the ways the church, including the Lutheran church, has failed to live out its mission relates to family and community: we have failed to embrace the notion of partnership with our families and communities.

We live in an isolated world. While it would be easy to blame technology, media, culture, our work or even the garage door opener for this isolation, there is no denying we have lost the depth of community we once had. Our culture craves community, perhaps more than ever before.

This is especially true of our younger generations, as our young adults, youth and children do not have the community or the adult relationships (both in quantity and quality) enjoyed by previous generations. The simple truth is that our culture, including our churches, lacks social capital.

As good capitalists, we can all understand the definition of social capital: it is relational capital or relational resource. Unlike other forms of capital, the purpose of social capital is not for leverage, power or resource. It may be the single greatest need in our church and culture today, especially for our children and adolescents. We are created to be in relationship with God, one another and the world. We have lost sight of relationship and often view people in the same way we view material possessions. The reality is that social capital is more important and impactful than any other kind of capital.

The call of the Great Commission is to “go and make disciples,” but like education, the church has fallen into the trap of the factory model. We attempt to educate our children and produce disciples the same way we might produce a car or a computer on a factory line. The factory model is wonderful and healthy for producing products, but it fails miserably in educating children or producing disciples. Whether it is the focus on standards, tests and

mass consumption of material in our education system or the overly-programmatic approach of our churches, we have implemented the factory model as the way to educate, care for and disciple our children and youth.

The problem is this: people are not products, and even if they were, this approach is not effective. We expect our children and adolescents to act like adults, embrace adult responsibility and contribute to society, but we provide no support, no resources and no social capital for them. The result of this is more than tragic; it is also ironic.

At a time in history when the world is perhaps the most violent, uncertain, dangerous and complicated, we have increased our pressure and expectation on children, families and adolescents while unapologetically decreasing our support. There is no denying the growing problem of entitlement in our children and adolescents as well as our churches and culture. While we must not forsake accountability, we cannot demand accountability and neglect relationship.

The church, including the Lutheran church, is called to serve its community. God has our churches in their communities for a reason in each and every season. The same can be said of our families as well. I do not believe that we have lost sight of our call to minister to the world, but I do believe we have lost sight of the primary method by which God calls us to do so.

Rather than wage a cultural war, we might want to consider a different approach. In a season in the world in which the challenges feel great, there is a simple solution. At a time of growing isolation from one another, a lack of community and a tragic decrease in social capital in the lives of our children and youth, there is a solution. In fact, while much in the world has changed, some things have remained unchanged since the beginning of creation: we are designed to be in relationship with one another. The answer to many of the great challenges we face in our culture, churches and families is relationships.

Whether in our culture, our churches or our families, we need to reexamine our priorities. Culture wars, programs, consumption, wealth, attendance, performance and all of the other things that we have made our priority must go. Few if any of these or the other things that have become our priorities are the priorities of Jesus and the Scriptures. We must remember our true, three-fold mission in our families and as a church: 1) love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself; 2) go and make disciples of all nations; and 3) trust God.

While many of the challenges we face today are new, some are not. Many of the challenges we face today feel heavier than those of the past, regardless of whether they actually are or not. The good news is that we can overcome all of the obstacles and challenges we face in our families, church and culture! Not only do we know the answer to these obstacles and challenges, but we know the One who has, can and will overcome all that is evil: Jesus.

It is time for our families and the church to re-embrace our mission. There is no greater opportunity than the present for the Lutheran church to rise up and remember its identity, call and mission.

Sacred or secular, we are in this together. In the church, Christ has given us the gift of community. This community is meant to partner with its community to put aside our agendas and come together to love, serve and care for people, especially our children and adolescents. Rather than battle or blame, we can embrace a partnership that puts the best interest of our children and adolescents first.

This ideal would be a partnership between the church, edu- cation, parents, families, businesses and other organizations in our communities. It would not seek its own benefits and agendas, but rather seek to serve our children and adolescents and increase the social capital in their lives. It all starts with relationship.

There is an answer; there is an easier way. Our mission has not changed, even though our challenges may have. We are called to trust God. It is our one great act, and God does the rest. My hope and prayer is that I, my family, my church and my community can partner together in relationship with one another, create social capital, build community and live out our mission to love and serve one another.

In letting go of control, trusting God, remembering our mission and focusing on relationship, we can change our families, churches, community and the world.

A simple solution, yet a demanding challenge. We are not alone, and the more we partner together, the greater power we have to achieve our mission.

Rev. Dr. Marcus J. Carlson is a spiritual director, professor, speaker, writer and consultant, with 15+ years experience in youth and family ministry.