Published in Connections Magazine (May/June 2014)

Learn about Connections here

faith and family

The Mission-Minded Family

by Marcus J. Carlson

The word mission gets a lot of buzz these days, and has enough meanings for a year’s worth of Connections magazine issues. Whether talking about mission trips, missionaries, mission statements, being missional, the mission of the church, the mission of spreading the Word or other definitions, it is good we are using the word. The church has been internal for far too long.

Mission by nature must be external (yet can have some internal qualities). Mission requires some sense of going and the church has been satisfied with staying. It is one thing to talk about mission, but it is another thing to live it. Mission is not something for the church—or even the world—alone, and while it is communal in nature, it is individual as well. Mission can also be a reality in our families, and some of the strongest, most Christ-centered families I know are mission- minded.

What does it mean to be a mission-minded family? If we consider some of the uses of the word mission in the con- text of family (regardless of family make up), we find some life-giving, Kingdom of God truths that can change our own lives, our families and the world.

The common corporate use of mission that has become a part of the church is the “mission statement.” The mission statement is meant to communicate our core focus, to keep us focused and to ensure we have a goal in mind that not only shapes our outcomes, but the way in which we operate. While mission statements have been overplayed in the church for a long time, they can be helpful. They are most helpful if they are authentic and when prayerfully considered as they reflect the church and the local community. Mission statements are only useful if they are known and practiced and become a part of the process and DNA of a church.

Mission statements are not limited to churches or corporations, however. I have my own personal mission statement: “to help others experience transformation in Jesus Christ.” Our family has a mission statement: “to be a genuine, missional family committed to God’s Kingdom.” Neither is perfect, but the work that went into them and our continued examination of these mission statements shape and impact how we operate. So often we wander and become victims of our circumstances instead of embracing the truth that God has great things in store for us.

Mission is also defined in terms of service. Whether a mis- sion trip, service project, organization, initiative or some other form of service, mission often refers to serving others, particularly those in need. The truth is, every family should serve together, in their church and in their community. Finding individual niches based on gifting, schedule and passion—as well as serving together as a family—can be transformative.

As our own children get older, we look forward to building mini-mission trips into each of our family vacations. As we embrace the blessing of time off and resources to travel, we want to take time to serve those who have neither. So many mission and service organizations today welcome family service that the opportunities are not hard to find. Need has certainly not decreased, so if you cannot find a service opportunity, create one.

Mission is also seen as spreading the Word of God, evangelism or sharing the Good News of Jesus. The Mormons are most well known for their season of mission, where many Mormon youth and young adults go door-to-door to share the message of their religion.

The best way to spread the message of our Christian faith is by our actions, but we should not be afraid to use our words. Our families can make sharing our faith with those we en- counter a priority, and we can do it effectively without being overbearing. It starts with talking together about our own faith.

The latest trend with the word mission is the use of the word missional. This word has several definitions, but at its purest core, it means to be mission-minded and to live life in a way that is focused on the mission of Christ. It is truly a way of being, a Kingdom of God mindset.

My desire is for our family to be truly missional. My hope is that each of us as individuals and we as a family are focused on Christ and the bringing about of His Kingdom. This means focusing on serving others in love rather than isolating our- selves. It means sharing the love of Christ without words so people will see the love of Christ and invite the Word of God into their lives.

So often our Christianity is cultural rather than transformative. One of the greatest ways to build a strong and healthy family is to reject a cultural approach to Christianity. When we give our lives as parents, children, individuals and families to Christ in service to the world, the Kingdom of God may become more of a reality.

Mission can have so many meanings, most of them life-giving and life-changing. Anytime we choose to step outside of our selves—our wishes, needs, opinions and desires—and serve others, great things happen. The abundant life promised in Jesus is found in love and service to others and to the world.

This is not just the action of individuals or of the church; it can and should be the action of our families as well. One of the most significant factors impacting the longevity of faith in our children and youth is missions and service (along with talking about their faith). Choosing to be a mission-minded family is a gift: a gift to the church, to the world, to our families and to the faith of the individuals we love deeply—especially our children and youth.

Our culture is perhaps more open to and in need of service than it has been since the Great Depression. We have an opportunity to not only make a difference, but to do it by becoming the individuals, churches and families God has created and called us to be.

Marcus J. Carlson

is an ordained pastor (LCMC & NALC), currently serving at St. Mark’s Lutheran Church, Auburn, IN. He is a spiritual director, professor, speaker, writer and consultant, with 15+ years experience in youth and family ministry. He and his wife, Jessica, have two children.

Published on Fuller Seminary’s Burner Blog for Pastors and Leaders.

Read the Article here

by Marcus J. Carlson

The challenge of self-care

Honesty is essential to leadership. Like most leadership, healthy modeling is necessary for effectiveness. Truthfully, it is easier to be honest with others than it is to be honest with self. Additionally, it is easier to lead others than it can be to lead self. Maybe it is just that I am one of those difficult sheep, but I suspect from conversations with other leaders, these challenges are not unique. Self-care is one area of my own leadership that is the most life-giving, challenging and in need of constant growth. I suspect many pastors and other Christian leaders struggle with self-care as well. Self-care may be the most important aspect of self-leadership, second only perhaps to self-knowledge.

There are probably many reasons we fail to adequately attend to self-care as leaders. Most reasons appear noble, even Christ-like at times. The call to Christian leadership certainly involves sacrifice, modeled most profoundly for us in the cross. Yet, Jesus also demonstrated self-care, set boundaries for ministry and took time to engage in prayer and solitude. Our failure in the area of self-care as leaders is a spiritual and theological problem, and we must take this deficiency seriously.

As I reflect on my own journey with the issue of self-care, there are many seasons of success and many seasons of failure. It is not easy and each season brings new needs, opportunities and challenges. Each Monday I stop for five minutes and go through a self-care inventory I created with some assistance from some colleagues and spiritual directors. It’s a series of questions in a variety of categories that forces personal reflection and an honest examination of areas of strength and weakness in any given season around my own self-care as a leader and Christ-follower. Besides general questions about self-care, the inventory includes questions about emotional, physical, spiritual, intellectual, vocational and relational health. In each season of life, I find one or more of these areas may be strong while one or more may be weak. I understand that it is hard to find time and energy for consistent self-care. However, we must recognize our ministry flows out of our own relationship with Jesus, and our own health in all of these areas has a dramatic impact on our leadership, organizations and those we lead. We cannot offer what we do not have ourselves, and our failure to attend to our own self-care is another example of not trusting our ministry to the Holy Spirit. When we fail to attend to our own self-care, our ministry becomes more about our own efforts than the movement of the Holy Spirit. Unhealthy leaders create unhealthy followers and unhealthy organizations. If I am as passionate about my own health, especially spiritually, as I am about those I lead, then I will take self-care seriously.

The good news is that we have a wonderful opportunity to model self-care to others in a society with few boundaries and little self-care. The health of others and the organizations we serve depends on it. The church has a great opportunity to offer something the culture cannot, greater self-care focused on the one who cares for us, and it is our call as leaders to create a culture of self-care that begins with us.

Published in Connections Magazine (March/April 2014)

Learn about Connections here

faith and family

Resurrection!

by Marcus J. Carlson

As a Lutheran pastor, I am constantly thankful for the time of confession during our worship services. It is critical to our spiritual health and our theological understanding of sin and grace. It is also necessary for creating a heart posture in worship and in life that will draw us into a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ.

As a leader, I recognize one of the most important and difficult aspects of leadership is modeling. Now I have a confession to share. At one point in my ministry career, I found myself dreading Easter. I was serving a church where I was responsible for the 6 a.m. service. It was always cold and dark, and snowed more often than not. It was tiring, because it was not the only service I had responsibility for that day. One year, I had to preach two services on Easter Sunday with bruised ribs. I think it was that year I made the now infamous comment to my good college friend, “I love Jesus and Easter, but do we have to celebrate the resurrection every year?” I confess that this comment was neither pastoral nor theologically sound.

Most of us enjoy celebrating the resurrection. We love the ending of this story. Jesus wins. He conquers death and the miraculous happens. I suspect I am not the only one to miss the power and meaning of Easter and the resurrection. Many faithful Christians lose sight of the power of the resurrection, and many others forget the significance of the cross. After all, without the death of Jesus on the cross, Easter is not meaningful. The resurrection of Jesus is more than a good story, a holiday to celebrate or proof of the Christian faith. The resurrection changed everything, and should continue to transform every aspect of our lives, families, churches, communities and world. This is one of the many reasons it is critical we embrace Easter every year.

The reality is we need to embrace Easter every year, every week, and each and every day. The resurrection means God has, can and will continue to make all things new. Jesus was resurrected from the dead after great suffering. The truth is we all experience suffering and death in our lives. Our suffering and death is not the same as what Jesus experienced, but it is real, painful and difficult. It is also an

opportunity. That is the great news about Easter and the resurrection: everything we experience in life—especially death and suffering—is an opportunity for resurrection, for new life.

We all have things in our lives, our families and our churches in need of resurrection. I can think of several things in my life that need resurrection, especially my post-Christmas relationship with my scale! As a husband, I recognize there are always things in my marriage that need resurrection. Being a father has taught me much about resurrection. I am an imperfect parent and my children, besides being pastorʼs kids, are also less than perfect. Like their parents, they have pain, weaknesses, shortcomings and sin. I sometimes facetiously remark that they inherited all of these things from their mother, so I am off the hook! All kidding aside, it is imperative we as followers of Jesus believe in and have confidence in the resurrection. Our call is to trust God—He can bring resurrection and new life to anything!

What if we chose to live with confidence in the resurrection and the promise that God can make all things new? What would change about our spiritual lives? Our outlook? What would be different about our work, our play and our service to others? So often, even though we know the whole story of Jesus, we act as if the story ended on the cross and we are on our own. We fail to believe the weaknesses, imperfections, sin, challenges, brokenness and suffering in our lives can be redeemed and made new. We often hope and pray God will intervene, but act as if that is not likely and live as if we are on our own.

Recently, one of our children struggled with something that was hard for us to watch. Those who are parents can resonate with this situation. As parents, we not only want to “fix it” for our kids, but we want to protect them and take away their pain. It is difficult to watch those we love suffer. I found myself getting caught up in the wrong things in this instance. In addition to being focused on solving the issue and get- ting rid of the pain, I was focused on other things, such as blame, prevention, protection and fear. While these things are not necessarily bad, they are not a part of the resurrection story. In this one small instance I found myself forgetting one of the most important truths of the Christian faith: God has and can make all things new! The resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead is more than a great story, a historical event or a holiday; it is a transforming truth for our lives.

If I choose to live confidently in the resurrection, my life, family, church and those I love and encounter will experience radical transformation. The abundant life promised us in the Gospel of John is the resurrection life.

The truth is we all have things in our lives we wish would be different. Whether we face simple or profound suffer- ing, or our challenges are small or large, we all have things that need resurrection. Our children and families need more than the knowledge and celebration of Easter; they need the resurrection life. Believing that God can make all things new is certainly a great challenge; trusting with confidence that God will bring resurrection is an even greater challenge. Are we pointing our children and youth to the resurrection life? Is the story of Jesus more than a nice story providing us insurance for the afterlife? Is our relationship with God and participation in the community of faith a spectator sport, or is there more to our faith?

I am thankful for Easter. Itʼs the yearly reminder that the resurrection can come to us in each and every moment of our lives. It’s a reminder to me as a follower of Jesus that God can make all things new in my life. It’s a reminder to me as a husband and father that God has great things in store for my family. The greatest gift I can offer my children is an unwavering commitment to point them not only to Jesus and the story of Easter, but also to the powerful, transforming resurrection life.

Happy Easter. He is Risen!

Published in Connections Magazine (January/February 2014)

Learn about Connections here

faith and family

Family and the “E” Word…

by Marcus J. Carlson

Nothing can strike fear in the hearts of Lutherans and Lutheran churches quite like the word evangelism. Letʼs be honest: most Lutheran churches are not only failing when it comes to evangelism, we are afraid of it, do not know what it means or ignore it completely. We often hide behind the word disciples in the Great Commission, believing somehow that evangelism and discipleship are not only separate, but that they are two different things all together.

Our definitions, theology and understandings of the term evangelism need to be addressed. For many churches, evangelism is something that is ignored. For others the term evangelism has come to mean “marketing.” Not only do both of these approaches fail, but they point us to perhaps the greatest reason our churches are in decline. It is in fact impossible to grow any church without reaching and sharing the Good News with the lost. Part of growing disciples is training, equipping and encouraging followers of Jesus to bring the Good News to their families, neighborhoods, larger communities and the world.

When I reflect on evangelism—in the church at large, in Biblical Lutheran churches, in my own church and in my own life—I find more questions, challenges and failures than answers. In thinking about the theme of evangelism for this issue of Connections, I also had to reflect on evangelism in the context of the family. Certainly—as someone who has given over a decade and a half to children, youth, young adult, parent and family ministry—I know that most evangelism happens to those under 20, and that much of church growth has and has to come from young families and those under 30. Itʼs the area where the larger church is lacking. This group is both the present and the future of the church, and quite frankly, our churches are aging at an alarming rate. Those under 40 are not connecting to the church or leaving the church in numbers that are undeniable and much more dramatic than in the past. While young people do seem to leave the church for a season, the generations under 40 are doing so in greater numbers, are not returning and are much larger in number than we realize. Pointing to the problem, the challenges and the failures of the church in this area are easy, but finding lasting, healthy, theologically and Biblically sound solutions is a much greater challenge.

Compounding this problem have been the unhealthy solutions that we have chased in our desperation to reach the younger generation. Our focus on attendance, entertain- ment and style instead of substance has not yielded the results we have wished. It has weakened our presentation of the Gospel and created an image of following Jesus that is far too consumeristic and shallow. Instead of looking at the challenges we face in terms of reaching younger generations (as well as evangelism with discernment and trust in the Holy Spirit), we have instead embraced fear. We have found ourselves either reacting to or ignoring evangelism, placing blame on circumstances rather than examining our own hearts as leaders and examining our priorities as the church. Needless to say, there is reason to be concerned and discouraged, yet this generation and this season also represent the greatest opportunity the church of Jesus Christ has had in a long time.

There is a greater need and desire for the authentic, Christ- centered, mission-oriented church of Jesus Christ now than in recent memory. As our culture becomes increasingly confused, chaotic, divided and broken, the need for Jesus and the church is only going to grow. The craving for authentic community, meaningful relationships, genuine discipleship and relevant/challenging truth among those under 40 is immense. The passion for relationship, service and meaning is monumental. There is not only great need, but great desire. The church already has all of the tools and answers needed to address the challenges the church faces: the needs of the world and the desires of those who want to experience authentic community.

Enter the family. While over 50% of children born to mothers under 30 are being born into single-parent situations, the family in its various imperfect forms represents the greatest tool for evangelism in our churches and culture today.

One of the things my mother always complained about (and still complains)—particularly during my high school and college years—was her lack of name. She was seldom Mrs. Carlson, Debby or Debby Carlson—she usually was known only as “Marcusʼs mother.” I shudder as I write and re-read that statement, knowing my own personality. Any of you who are or have been parents can resonate with this. I had always laughed when my mother complained—until I experienced it for myself for the first time. When I heard, “You must be Micahʼs dad,” I did not know how to react. I appreciated being recognized, yet I felt slighted for having my identity stripped from me. I was reminded of the great call and joy of being a father. I rejoiced that my son was known and valued. I was afraid, knowing that while my son was a great child, he is not perfect. I grew anxious about my own reputation as I recalled how much in fact is genetic. All this ran through my mind with this simple, innocuous and innocent comment.

Upon further theological reflection, I discovered something. Rather than fear, evaluate or attempt to control this new identity as Micahʼs dad or Abbyʼs father, I should not only embrace it but also consider how the Holy Spirit might desire to use it for the Kingdom. I should learn to trust God in a way that transforms me personally, as well as my family. We delight when our children make us look good and we mourn when they do things that embarrass us. While these feelings are normal, they are in fact selfish.

If we are to be the light of the world, this means we must all be the light of Christ—individuals, churches and families.

What if I were to look at my family differently? What if I not only looked at them as my primary ministry calling, but also as a ministry to the world? How would I function differently as a husband, father and pastor if I were to choose to help my family, as well as other families, become a vehicle for evangelism?

I am not talking about getting my kids to hand out tracts, or to hold signs at football games or on street corners. I am not suggesting our families spend our vacations going door to door to convert people or promote our churches. So often when people tell me how wonderful my children are, how lucky I am to be married to Jessica or what a great family I have, I think of that in two ways: the way God has blessed me, and in terms of my own self. Recently, I have come to realize that perhaps I should look at this as a Kingdom opportunity.

What if we were to view our families—our own, those we care about and the families in our church—as the vehicle for evangelism in our church, community and world? Instead offering the obligatory “thank you,” or blushing and patting myself on the back when I receive a compliment about my family, what if I looked at it as a moment of ministry?

So often I look to my own life and the ministry of the church as the only means of evangelism. While both are important means of evangelism, what would it look like if I also saw the relationships, life and operation of my family at home, in the church and in the world as a means of spreading the Good News of Jesus Christ? What would I do, say and be to make that possible? The world is ripe for the Good News of Jesus Christ. Our families should experience and dispense this Good News—not just in our words, but in our actions and our very existence.

Marcus J. Carlson is an ordained pastor (LCMC & NALC), currently serving at St. Mark’s Lutheran Church, Auburn, IN. He is a spiritual director, professor, speaker, writer and consultant, with 15+ years experience in youth and family ministry. He and his wife, Jessica, have two children.

Published in Connections Magazine (November/December 2013)

Learn about Connections here

faith and family

Anticipate

by Marcus J. Carlson

When I think about Advent, three key terms come to mind as we prepare for the coming of the Christ child: waiting, expectation and anticipation. It is certainly a season of preparation. As a church and a culture, we are distracted by earthly preparations such as shopping, decorating, packing and wrapping instead of the kingdom preparation. Our goal should be preparing our hearts to celebrate the birth of Jesus, God’s only begotten Son. He came to earth to point us to God, show us life, save us and guide us to the abundant life God desires for each of us.

Advent is a season of waiting. As a father of two children, I think of how they eagerly wait for Christmas morning. I also remember the waiting my wife, Jessica, and I experienced during her pregnancies. I can only imagine Mary and Joseph’s experience.

As Advent leads up to Christmas, it is also a season of expectation, knowing Christmas will come whether we are ready or not. There are certain aspects of the Advent season leading up to Christmas we can expect with great consistency, and hopefully our expectation is characterized by joy.

Advent is also to be a season of anticipation—not only anticipating the Christ child, but also reminding us that we can and should anticipate the coming of God into our lives each day. When it comes to our lives, our churches and our families, I think we have failed and continue to fail when it comes to anticipation. Our failure to anticipate is a theological and spiritual issue. As our culture grows more cynical, I have found that the church has modeled our culture in this way and many others. We often anticipate the worst in our lives, our families, our churches and the world.

A colleague and good friend who used to be my supervisor once challenged my own cynical mindset in telling me I should “always assume a yes.” In other words, always assume the best in people and the best in situations. Assume a positive posture and response. At first this idea seemed a bit fluffy and overly optimistic, but in time I have found it has been extremely helpful in my life. It has changed how I see people and situations without blinding me to challenges and difficult realities. It has changed my attitude when responding to different people and situations. It also has caused me to be more open to the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

The challenge is that we often fail to anticipate God’s work in our lives and relationships. We fail to assume a yes with one another, but also with God. We fail to remember the power of God’s grace as well as God’s miraculous redeeming power. In this way, we fail to be an Advent people. In Advent and Christmas we remember and celebrate the coming of God’s only Son to earth, the coming of a King and Savior in the form of a humble and innocent baby, born in controversy and in the midst of livestock. Simply put, we forget Emmanuel, God with us.

One of the great miracles of Christmas is that God came to earth to be with the people He created out of love. God is still with us, and Advent and Christmas are meant to remind us of the great power of Christ coming to earth. We fail to anticipate Christ coming into the world, not just in this season, but also in every season of life. God is with us. God comes to us. We can and should anticipate the work of God in our lives and in the world. It is already here and already happening.

If we can anticipate that Christ is with us—assuming a “yes” knowing that God is for us and wants to redeem all things— then I suspect our own relationship with God, our families, our churches and the world may begin to look differently to us. Instead of assuming the worst, we can assume Christ will redeem us. At the very least we should have our hearts and minds focused on Christ instead of on the circumstances that surround us.

In the end, our anticipation is not a matter of hope. It is a matter of trust. It is knowing that the essence of faith is trust. We can and should trust the God of the universe, anticipating His coming to us in all seasons and circumstances. As we think about what it means to model a godly life and faith to our children, we cannot possibly do so without the help of Christ and without anticipating that God is with us and will be with our children.

One of the ways my wife and I teach and model this to our children is found in a simple practice when we have dinner together as a family. This practice has become so much a part of our lives that our kids ask to do it when we have company, when we are eating out or even when we eat a fast food meal in the car while traveling. What is that practice? At dinner we engage in a time of sharing of our highs, our lows and our holies.

We share the high part of our day, the best thing that happened. We share a low part of our day, if we had one, a moment or experience that was challenging or frustrating. We then finish by sharing a holy moment, a moment where we saw or thought about God. This practice has taught each of us the discipline of looking for God in our everyday lives and anticipating that God is with us.

Some very simple yet profound moments have been shared by our 6 and 8 year old children as we bring our holy moments to the table. One night our daughter shared that her holy was meeting a friend in a wheelchair because she knew that even though that person was in the wheelchair, God was with them. Our son once shared that his holy moment was when a friend insulted him during a football game at

recess; he reminded each of us that even though it hurt his feelings, he knew that God was with him. In each of these cases, our children’s perspective on life, relationships and God was altered by simply forming the habit of looking for God, of anticipating that Christ has come and continues to come to them in the most simple and most profound moments of life.

The gift of Christmas is that we can anticipate that God is with us and desires to bring His life, grace, mercy, forgiveness and redemption to us over and over again. Advent and Christmas are a time of anticipating Jesus Christ born in a manger so that we might be saved. This Christ Child came to save, but also came to demonstrate the love of God. He seeks to be a part of our lives and to redeem each and every moment, experience and relationship we have.

Anticipate, for Emmanuel, God is with us!

Marcus J. Carlson

is an ordained pastor (LCMC & NALC), currently serving at St. Mark’s Lutheran Church, Auburn, IN. He is a spiritual director, professor, speaker, writer and consultant, with 15+ years experience in youth and family ministry. He and his wife, Jessica, have two children.

Published on Fuller Seminary’s Burner Blog for Pastors and Leaders.

Read the Article here

by Marcus J. Carlson

Conflict in Jesus Name

One of my favorite passages in the gospels is found in Matthew 18:15-20. It’s a passage that I talk about constantly and recently had the opportunity to preach on for the first time. It’s a passage about dealing with sin and conflict in the church. It’s also the passage where we find the phrase ‘in Jesus’ name’ and the often quoted verse ‘for wherever two or three gather in my name, I am there with them.’

In this passage we find a step-by-step process for dealing with sin and conflict in our lives and in the church. The practical nature of this passage is very helpful as conflict is a difficult reality of life together in Christian community and something that all leaders in the church face. I have found that when I stick to the process offered here by Jesus, resolution comes in a more healthy way. It’s not easy to face conflict, and the process for dealing with it that Jesus provides is difficult. How we handle conflict is a significant factor in the health of our families, communities, organizations and churches. The first step in dealing with conflict from this passage is to go directly to the one that the conflict is with. It is often much easier to talk about someone than it is to talk to someone, and it’s a great sacrifice and a sign of love to go to a person and address a conflict. I suspect that more than 90% of all conflicts can be resolved in this first step. If the first step is unsuccessful, the next step is to bring in another party to help resolve the conflict. This does not mean bringing in your forces to defend your position, but to bring others in to shed light on the conflict and help find resolution. I suspect that most of the conflict that cannot be resolved in the first step can be resolved in this one. The third step if the first two do not work is to bring the issue to the church. My best understanding of this is that we bring the conflict to a group within the church who has the role of brining resolution to conflict. Churches and other ministries help people with relationships, grief, baptism and many other needs. Churches should also provide assistance in conflict. If this step is not successful, the passage suggests that the unresolved conflict should result in someone leaving the community of faith. This is a harsh suggestion that I have yet to see come to fruition if the rest of the process was followed.

While I have often looked to this passage in regards sin and conflict particularly in the church, something new struck me as I studied this passage in preparation for my sermon. Certainly it’s a passage about the importance of unity, and it is a reminder that God is with us at all times. It reminds us that we should seek God’s help and presence in all things, especially in the midst of conflict. As I thought about how this passage concludes, it struck me that we could see conflict as something we can do in the name of Jesus. While conflict is not enjoyable, its ability to teach, humble and redeem are undeniable. It is in the midst of conflict I have learned the most and additionally, it is in the midst of conflict that some of my most significant relationships have been deepened. While easy for us to believe in the redeeming power of Christ and the cross when we think about our sin and salvation, it is not as easy to see the redeeming power of Christ in the midst of conflict, especially in the church. Conflict is more than a necessary evil; it is an opportunity to give something over to Christ completely and to trust God to do something powerful. Conflict does not have to destroy us. If handled in the way Jesus showed us and done in the name of Jesus, conflict can be an indicator of the presence of Christ among us.

Published on Fuller Seminary’s Burner Blog for Pastors and Leaders.

Read the Article here

by Marcus J. Carlson

Feedback

Feedback is yet another one of those things I have a love-hate relationship with. Over the past 15 years in ministry, I have found that feedback, along with conflict and failure has been my greatest teacher. So often, feedback has helped give me a new perspective, show me something I had missed, created a great understanding of my context or been a launch pad for vision. I have always sought to be teachable and to be open to feedback. There is certainly an important balance as there is certainly such a thing as too much feedback and too little feedback. Feedback can of course be positive, negative or neutral. There is no question that every ounce of feedback from the deep to the ridiculous has at least a kernel of truth in it. Our job as leaders is to pray and discern where the truth lies and decide what to do with it and then discard the rest. This is one of the greatest challenges of leadership in my own experience. God certainly speaks to each of us through one another; that is one of the greatest purposes and gifts of Christian community, but that does not make it easy.

Feedback, even when it is ridiculous, can be painful. I still remember the time when I got one of those Christian compliments, the ones with the giant ‘but’ in the middle of the sentence: “You sure are a good preacher, but you look like the devil.” Feedback can also be encouraging, even if it is challenging. I will never forget when a colleague challenged me to consider how much power I was giving a particular supervisor in my own life. It stung, but it was immensely encouraging and helpful. Christians certainly do not lack in opinions, especially in the church, so there is always plenty of feedback. It is not easy to find a consistent and healthy balance in ministry leadership when it comes to feedback, both in how much feedback is offered and how we handle it.

I have worked in settings where there was far too little feedback. There were plenty of opinions, but sharing feedback was strongly discouraged and when it was shared, it was often met with resistance and in the case of staff, threats. There was no unity or support within the organization because no one could share safely. I have also been in a setting where there was far too much feedback and any negative feedback was taken as gospel due to a fear of conflict at the top of the organization. One sign of unhealth in this case was that in the introduction to the organization on the website, the leader asked for feedback in their introduction to the ministry. That was also tiring because it created greater conflict and fear and caused the organization to lack a clear direction.

I think it is natural for any leader to overestimate their approach to feedback. I know that this is the case for me. While I try to hear all feedback, I have a tendency at times to be reactive or come across as defensive and other times I take feedback far too seriously that should be given very little weight. I think all leaders should take time at least once a year to reflect on and evaluate their own approach to feedback and carefully consider what kind of organizational culture created in their church, ministry or organization when it comes to feedback. It is not only an issue of teachability but also an issue of accountability and health. It may not be easy, but we do not want to miss out on something the Holy Spirit has for us in the midst of the sea of feedback we face.

Published on Fuller Seminary’s Burner Blog for Pastors and Leaders.

Read the Article here

by Marcus J. Carlson

A Parable for the Church

The other day I found myself reflection on the Parable of the house built on sand found in Matthew 7:24-27. I have thought about and reflected on this parable many times over the years, but something struck me this time that I have missed in the past. I have focused on this story Jesus tells on an individual level, mainly my own faith and the faith of others. I have at times thought about it in relation to my marriage and family, but mostly in relationship to hearing the words of Jesus and obeying them in my own life.

Last week as I was thinking about this parable, I found myself thinking about the church today, particularly in the United States. I have recently transitioned to a new church and into the lead pastor role for the first time. This has created additional reflection for me, which has been good but at times overwhelming. I tend to naturally reflect on the big picture challenges and opportunities the church is facing today and then reflect on them in my own context. Sometimes this happens in the reverse order. I think so many churches today are suffering from an identity crisis. It is not clear what our churches are built on in many cases. It could be tradition, denomination, comfort, attraction, habit, entertainment and much more. The irony is that while we criticize culture for its lack of focus on God, I think the church has also lost focus to the point where if we are honest with ourselves, many of our churches are built on sand and no longer the rock.

In our quest for relevance, comfort or growth and in the midst of our fear of change, death, and loss, I think it has become easy for the church to look at the waves instead of the rock. If I am honest, as much as I like to say that the churches I have worked for and lead have focused on Jesus, it has been more lip service than it has a reality. One church was built on attraction, another on buildings, another on the staff’s personality, another on a fear of conflict, yet another on a fear of dying, one based on comfort and counseling and the list goes on. I am guilty of losing sight of what matters in my own life, family and church. We are often so busy responding to what is happening in and around our churches that we do not even notice how the loss of focus has become a foundation of sand. The challenge I have been wrestling relates to shifting the church from sand back to the rock. Change is hard and so often our habits dictate our ministry instead of our call. It is hard not to react to what happens inside of our churches and in the culture that surrounds us, but in the end, I think it may all be wind and waves.

Published on Fuller Seminary’s Burner Blog for Pastors and Leaders.

Read the Article here

by Marcus J. Carlson

Leadership Boundaries

Recently I read Boundaries for Leaders: Results, Relationships, and Being Ridiculously in Charge by Henry Cloud. I have always enjoyed Dr. Cloud’s work, but perhaps more recently have found his writings on leadership to be especially encouraging, helpful, meaningful and challenging. Establishing, maintaining and evaluating boundaries as a leader is difficult, particularly in church and ministry settings in my opinion. There are a variety of reasons for this, some theological, some cultural and some related to personality as well. In my own leadership journey, setting and maintaining boundaries has been one area that has taken much longer to learn, particularly when it comes to self-care. If it were not for failure, mentors and education, I am not sure I would even be in a place where I had any healthy boundaries at all, a danger I try to be aware of so that I do not slip into old habits.

The most important message of Dr. Cloud’s books on boundaries came in one statement that was repeated throughout, “Leaders get what they create and what they allow.” This statement has been one of the most life-changing statements I have read, particularly when it comes to my own leadership, especially as the lead pastor in the church I recently started serving. It has also helped me to reflect on past ministry and community leadership, both my own as well as others. I think this statement can be transformative to all leaders and is something we should wrestle with in the contexts in which we serve. Not only will it help us to set better boundaries and take more realistic ownership, it can also guide us into the future as we seek not only to lead and improve our organizations but more importantly change and shape the culture of our organizations, communities and the world. So often churches and other organizations take on the characteristics of their top leader(s). If I were to look at settings in which I lead and looked at the best and the worst aspects of the culture, I would usually find I had primary ownership in that aspect of culture being present. Certainly our churches, ministry and organizations should be more like Christ than they should be the leaders, but this is not always the reality within human organizations. This quote could certainly be read a number of ways, but as I read it I think about the significance of my actions and the importance of intentionality. It has caused me to look at all levels of the church, particularly the overall church culture. If I look at the aspects of the church community that are unhealthy, then I need to examine what is happening that creates and allows those unhealthy aspects of the church community. I need to consider my own ownership and what I can do to no longer create or allow those things that are harmful to the church. If I examine the healthy parts of my church community that are our greatest strengths I have to ask myself what I can do to continue to create and allow those strengths to flourish and what can be done to even enhance those strengths.

As I have thought about these ideas and reflected on my most recent setting and my new ministry setting, I have learned an abundance of things that have changed much of my approach, style and decision-making as a pastor and leader. One of the challenges that churches face culturally has to do with how they handle conflict. Thinking about this and the quote by Cloud, I have already set out to set a paradigm for conflict and even created a conflict covenant to guide those in leadership. I believe that process is critical for healthy churches, but as I examined my own approach to things in light of this quote, I recognized some places where I did not honor process. I have want to be in a church where leadership and decisions are shared, but have had to reevaluate how I create and allow this type of leadership in the context in which I serve, as I have often relied on my own gifts to make this happen, which is a contradiction that I had to address. I cannot get the phrase from Dr. Cloud’s book out of my head and for that I am thankful. Leaders get what they create and what they allow. If you are a leader of a church, ministry or organization or even if you are a leader of a department or specific ministry, keeping this in mind is essential. Even if you are not the primary leader, this phrase can be immensely helpful in shaping the churches, ministries and other organizations that you love. As I look at the settings in which I serve in leadership, I now find myself constantly asking the following questions: what about this organization am I creating or allowing that should not be? What things in my organization do I desire or hope for that I need to work to create or allow? I have already found that asking myself these questions has changed much, and it has forced some much needed reflection on my own gifts and strengths as well as my weaknesses and areas where I need to grow. My boundaries are different as are the boundaries for the organizations I serve. I am thinking differently about the things I do and say as well as the things I do not do and do not say as I look to create a culture that is focused on Christ and looks as much like the Kingdom of God as possible. In our churches, ministries and organizations, we get what we create and what we allow.