The Hidden Enemy of Effective Leadership

Published on Fuller Seminary’s Burner Blog for Pastors and Leaders.

Read the Article here

by Marcus J. Carlson

I am very effective at lying to myself.

As hard as I can be on myself and as much as I expect of myself, I have come to recognize I am also very good at lying to myself. Recently I have been wrestling quite a bit with self-deception and denial. It started from a situation when I watched a leader I know, respect and have worked with engage in some very dangerous and concerning self-deception and denial. At first I was angry at the impact it had on me, then I found myself hurting for this leader, and now I have moved to mourn the organization hurt in the midst of the situation. There is not much I can do about the situation. I cannot fix it, nor can I control it. I also know I cannot fully understand it. In any situation, especially negative ones, it is critical to look for God’s redemptive work so that you can move forward in hope. In this case, part of God’s redemptive work in my own life is to deal with my own self-deception and denial.

In a recent Fuller Doctor of Ministry course, Scott Cormode noted “we judge ourselves by our intentions and we judge others by their actions.” I continue to ponder and wrestle with this concept. If I am honest, much of my self-deception comes from looking at my own intentions rather than my actions and how they are perceived. Additionally, my self-deception grows when I choose to judge their actions and the impact they have and fail to look for the possible good intentions in others. We all tell ourselves a story, and there is certainly something healthy about it. It is essential to our own mental health and it is certainly critical to our effectiveness and even survival as leaders. The problem lies in our unwillingness to evaluate the story we tell ourselves as well as our fear of allowing others to evaluate that same story. Self-deception is often fed by defensiveness, a lack of teachability, insecurity and ego as well as an unwillingness to embrace transparency, authenticity and accountability.

As a part of my own attempt to wrestle with these issues, I read a book called Change or Die by Alan Deutschman, a fascinating book that takes a serious and difficult look at the true nature of change. He offers the following words about denial I found especially challenging: “It rarely does any good to tell someone, “Dude, you’re in denial.” The facts won’t set them free. Knowledge isn’t power when the facts are too much to bear. Then knowledge is anxiety. “Pre-contemplators” don’t need someone to tell them the truth. They can’t handle the truth. That’s why they are in denial.” Denial is a difficult beast to battle, in others and in ourselves. Denial is self-perpetuating and is often fed by the lies we tell ourselves as well as our own defense mechanisms. It resists truth and more significantly damages the powerful story that God is trying to create in our lives. Denial requires constant effort, great discernment and a significant openness to change. Deutschman also notes, “if you practice change, if you keep up your ability to change, if you use it rather than lose it, then you’ll be ready to change whenever you have to.”

The problem with self-deception and denial is that when you are engaging in it, especially when it becomes something that you swim in, you cannot hear anything around you. Denial and self-deception can crowd out the whispers of the Holy Spirit that every leader needs to lead effectively. Good, healthy, Christ-centered leadership requires a daily effort to resist, fight and overcome self-deception and denial at every turn.

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